Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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