dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
