shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it was like eating out sand paper
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you will always have a special place in my vag
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
