Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
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