Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
