She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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