Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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