Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
