wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
