Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
