Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
