Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
