i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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