You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
