I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
