You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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