when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
