There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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