I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
