i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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