we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
