I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
