my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
