I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
