He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
