You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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