so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
