Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
