no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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