Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
