Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
