Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
