think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he was CRYING into my vagina
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
