I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
