she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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