Duck Duck Cougar?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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