so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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