There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
