hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
