rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
