Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
