he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
