He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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