So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
