i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
