That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
