you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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