I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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