We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
