if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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