look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
