Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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