he told me I talked like a deaf person
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
