He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
