This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
