STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
