dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
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She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
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Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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