My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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