dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
