dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
