somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
