You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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