Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
