she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
