no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
