He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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