my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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