I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
