trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
