So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
