he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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