Soap is not a condiment
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
