did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
