I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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