Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
