My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
