oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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