I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
