Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
