I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
