Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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