you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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