I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Two words: nipple clamps
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
