I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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